I was looking through some old email that I sent back in about 2005, trying to find a particular note I'd written, and I never did find that one, but I found some absolutely priceless stuff, including this letter that I wrote to a friend of Rachel. He wanted to go to a conference in California, but he wasn't going to go because he was afraid to fly. I completely understand because I hate and fear flying myself, so I wrote him a note of advice, and here it is:
Dear Gary,
Rachel told me you want to go to a conference but you don't like to fly, so I just wanted to tell you how I do it, because I hate flying! I just know that I'm going to die in a fiery crash every time I have to get on a plane!
First, you have to accept that you are going to die. As I get on the plane, I know in my heart that I'm going to die, and I just accept that and know that I'm as ready as I'll ever be to meet the Lord. I would have an alchoholic drink to help me deal with the whole flying thing, but since I'm going to be dying later, I don't want to face the Lord with alchohol on my breath. So I just drink a Diet Pepsi when they bring the drink cart around. Maybe water would be better, just in case caffeine IS against the Word of Wisdom like those fanatics say it is. Hmm...
Also, if you can get some Xanax, or a Valium, take it. Oh, or a Tylenol 3, because hey, the Tylenol will help if you have a stress headache, and the codeine will ease your mind. Your mom probably has some handy painkillers, didn't she just have some surgery? Heh.
Anyway, those are my tips on how to fly. And if they don't make you think I'm crazy, here's another thing I've done when we're in the air, is to pretend, absolutely seriously, that the roaring of the plane is the roaring of a train and that we're on the ground, riding in a train. Because I CANNOT think about being up in the air!! I can't think about that at all, no matter how many drugs I take!
So now you need to just cowboy up and go to the conference! It will be fun!!
Love you!
No need to thank me, I am always available to offer help and advice on almost any subject.
I think your advice is excellent. It would also work for dentist visits and some social obligations like Pampered Chef parties.
ReplyDeleteDid he go to the conference?
I don't think he did ever go to that conference. He has told me before that he is a terrible cowboy when I told him to cowboy up.
ReplyDeleteExcellent idea to take some sort of relaxant before a Pampered Chef party by the way. I'll keep it in mind.